Are you ready for it?

A lot of us have a sibling. Or multiple. Some of us have none.

I didn’t need multiple. I was blessed to have the best big brother I could’ve ever prayed for.

And I haven’t realized that until recently.

That part hurts.

I’ve felt abandoned for a long time. Not just by men, by women too.

I’ve finally come to the reality they didn’t abandon me. My dad and my brother were such incredible people they truly were too good for this world.

Tears are streaming down my face as I type this. Don’t call me in. I’m okay. This is how I cope. This is how I get my best therapy. By writing, remembering, and sharing their pictures and lives with whoever has a few minutes to read about it.

My brother was a protector.

One of my top memories of him protecting me was when a kid, Nathan, said something mean about me while at our house, jumping on our trampoline in our backyard.

My brother pushed Nathan off the trampoline and onto the grass.

He said, “don’t you ever say anything like that about my sister again.”

I don’t think that punk was ever allowed back on our property.

Another time, we were down on our “beach shore” AKA sand my parents illegally poured along the edge of our backyard and the lake.

Did I mention I don’t like rules? Do you wonder why? Neither did my dad.

A kid said out loud, “you’re fat.”

My brother said, “my sister will never be fat. Get out of here now.”

He always had my back. Even when I was the annoying little sister. He was loyal. He loved me. I loved him and always will, no matter if his presence has changed.

My brother chased his happiness and dreams. He let nothing stand in his way.

His first love was Clara. They fell hard and fast freshman year at Winter Park High School. She was a coxain on the crew team. He was a freshman.

She was older. Men love older women. Boy, have I learned that now more than ever now that I am 36!

When they didn’t work out, he took it very hard. That’s an understatement. He loved her deeply.

He faced many challenges. Drugs, mental illness, breakdowns.

I can’t blame him now. I face them myself. This life and this world we are all in together is hard.

But we are stuck here until we’re not. So I am here to carry on my brothers legacy. It is my job to make him even more proud than he is of me today.

When I was growing up, my dad always told me, “Meredith, when you say you’re going to do something… You do it.”

I am, Dad.

I am down here busting my ass to be the best woman in America. I won’t let you down. I will get there.